A letter to my children this holiday season...

Dear Avery and Evan,

It is the happiest season of all. A season full of hope. A season full of joy. A season full of wonder. A season full of excitement. A season sprinkled with enough magic and wonder to last a lifetime.

As a child, there was no other time in my life that I valued more than Christmas time. In a world that, for me, was often chaotic and unsteady, it was a time that I could truly believe in something. I loved everything that came along with Christmas - Jesus, Santa, snow, presents (times two, since my parents weren't together), family, church, love, joy, hope, dreams - I loved it all.

Now as your mother, I want nothing more than to give you both those same feelings that I had. Christmas is a great time to enjoy family, to enjoy friends, to enjoy life. I want you to have it all (and no, I am not talking about the hottest toys - though I must admit, presents are a huge bonus to the holiday season).

As an adult, and more so, as a parent, the holidays often become one long "to-do" list. At times, I have been sucked in to this said "to-do" list and have almost forgotten what the meaning of the holiday truly is. I almost forgot that all of my hard work will be rewarded, through your joy and through your spirit. You see, if year after year, you come out of the holidays with a true sense of gratitude, I have done my job. It's not if I bake all of the cookies or you have exactly X# of presents under the tree. It's when all is said and done, you are grateful and you know WHY we celebrate, then I have truly succeeded.

You see, your momma gets overwhelmed sometimes, and I all too often forget the WHY myself. So, today, on this 19th day of December, I am vowing to stop letting the little stuff get to me.  I am vowing to take a step back and realize that I will never get this Christmas back again. I will never see you, Avery, opening presents, singing happy birthday to Jesus, or eating cookies, when you were two, ever again. I will never see you, Evan, stare at the Christmas tree for hours on end when you were four months old, ever again. For both of you will grow up. And yes, next Christmas will be just as magical, but it won't be this Christmas.

I guess what I am trying to say to you both, is though it is hard for me at times, I am vowing to live in the moment. To be happy with the world I have around me, for it is the best and most blessed world I could have ever hoped for or dreamed of. In so many ways, Christmas is better now than it ever was when I was your age, and that is because of you both. You two are the best gifts I could have ever asked for.

So here's to our family. Whether we added a new tradition, stuck to the old, or said that we just couldn't add one more thing to the list, we are together, and that is all that matters - now and forever!

I love you both so much. May you be truly amazed by this most joyous of seasons, and know that your mommy and daddy couldn't be any happier than we are right now.

Momma

Here are some 2011 Casa de Conner holiday family traditions:

• December 1st: Family movie night - it was a night spent with blankets spread across the living room floor, watching holiday movies, and eating popcorn with M&Ms mixed in.
• Elf on the Shelf: 2011 marked the year that our elf, Kidd, came in to our lives. He has gotten himself into some pretty precarious situations, but he is always good for a laugh, and is a great tool to keep Avery on her toes, and well behaved. P.S. Whoever thought of this elf of the self concept, can you kindly make a Valentine's Day elf, a St. Patrick's Day elf, an Easter elf, etc. Then I will be truly impressed and indebted to you.
• Holiday decorating: As a family we decorate the tree and our home. We also buy each child an ornament that they pick out for the year. One day, I will gather up these ornaments and present them to each child so they can hang them on their own tree. This year, Avery picked out a Mickey and Minnie Mouse ornament and of course, Evan got his "1st Christmas" ornament.
• Christmas lights: We hop in the car, and drive around looking at all of the beautiful lights around town. It is a great way for us to spend time together as a family and enjoy the colorful lights that the holiday brings. 
• Christmas PJs: On Christmas Eve, each of us will get a brand new pair of PJs to wear that night, so we will be nice and cozy opening up presents Christmas morning, as we sip on hot coco and eat homemade cinnamon rolls.
• Christmas Eve Mass: This year will be our first attempt at Christmas Eve Mass. In years past we have always gone on Christmas day, but I am very much looking forward to attending on Christmas Eve. There is no specific reason why, just a change of pace, I suppose.

Only 6 days left :0)... I can't wait!

I'm no good at this Santa thing...

It's no secret that Avery is very observant, smart and has the memory that could put most adults to shame. Where as most days, I admire those traits with nothing but admiration, today, I must admit, I do not.

This holiday season has been nothing but magical so far. Avery will be three in January, so we are in the midst of her best Christmas holidays ever. She loves the idea of everything that comes with Christmas - Jesus' birthday, Santa, lights, presents, etc. It is such a joy to view this holiday through the total joy of a toddler.

This year, I decided to skip the stores and buy all of our Christmas gifts online. I got some great deals, and am feeling pretty proud of my purchases. The only problem that I face is that all of those boxes have, or will be shipped to our front door. Avery loves to get packages and on any other day, I would open them with her; however, in the spirit of Santa, I can't open these particular packages. I have told her that they belong to Muncs (my cousin Matt lives in an apartment and often just has his packages sent to our house to avoid the hassle). So, this story isn't so much of a stretch for us. Well, that was until I brought in the Disney Store box, to which her response was, "No momma, that is mine. Muncs don't get no Mickey Mouse." Avery: 1 - Momma: 0.

Okay, she is too smart for her own good, but I was able to scoot around this situation and today was a new day. Well, all of sudden she appears in the living room holding one of her brother's toys from Santa. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! SHE FOUND THE GIFT CLOSET!!!!!!!!!! Let me say this - Avery has NEVER opened a door in our house before. I realize that she is almost three, but it just has not been high on her priority list as something that she wants to learn, and frankly, I was okay with that. Well, there has to be a first time for everything, and that first time happened to be opening the right closet at the wrong time. I am hoping that she just saw her brother's toy, and her short attention span stopped at that, and didn't really look any further. I guess we will see if that is the case, but until then, I am going to give her the benefit of the doubt. Avery: 2 - Momma: 0.

I guess it is time to re-evaluate. First, next year, all presents will be delivered somewhere other than our home. We also have to get better at the hiding part. Simply placing the gifts in closet and hoping for the best, just won't cut it anymore. I would hate to take away the innocence of my Love Bug prematurely. That would truly break my heart.

Really, I am just having a hard time grasping the concept that last Christmas, I did a majority of my Christmas shopping (including hers) with her with me and she never had a clue - this year, I am having to hide everything to not risk her innocence. That is too much for this momma's heart to take right now.

What a difference a year makes.

Lots of love!

Emily

Once again... It's been a while!

Wow! It has been so long since I blogged. I'm going to put full blame on the new addition we have had in our family. We welcomed Evan Matthew to the world on August 21st, at 4:23 a.m. He was 6 lbs. 5 oz. and 19.75" long.

Evan graced us with his handsome face four weeks earlier than expected, and because of that his lungs weren't strong enough during transition (the period of time after a baby is born when they take their first breath). As a result, he got pneumonia and had to stay in the NICU for a week. That week was definitely one of the hardest times of my life. Not only was I worried about our newborn, but I was worried about Avery and how she was taking all of this. 

In the end, it actually turned in to somewhat of a blessing. Avery had a cold so the extra time gave her some time to get better, and we were able to prepare her for a new little brother. She knew that Evan was at the doctor and had to stay their to get better. Once the seven days was complete, she couldn't be more excited to have her new little brother home and play her new role as big sister.

Since that time, Evan is now almost 3 months old. It is hard to believe how extremely fast this time has flown by. It seemed to drag out so much more with Avery, but a lot of second time parents have told me that time with kid #2 goes a lot faster, and I will have to agree.

Avery is doing great as a big sister. She LOVES him and is super protective over him. It is really cute. Evan is the most mellow baby. Avery was a great baby too, but in a very different way. She was very vocal and loud, where Evan is quiet and go with the flow. He's a "get to me, when you can get to me" kind of kid, which works out great with his high maintenance sister. 

Of course, with Evan here, our day in and day out operations and Casa de Conner, has changed, but I couldn't be happier. I feel like my family could be complete. Currently, we aren't too sure if we are going to have more children, and it isn't something I want to think about right now. I am happy, I am blessed and I am having a blast. I really couldn't ask for more right now...

Until next time!

Lots of love.

Emily

New baby anxiety...

As the arrival of our second baby is quickly approaching, I am feeling a lot of anxiety. I can't really pin what I'm anxious about exactly. Maybe it's the fact that Avery and I won't just be Avery and I anymore. Maybe it's the extra work that I know will come in abundance once the little one arrives. Maybe it's everything all balled up into this one emotion. I don't know? I just know that I have it and it's definitely in abundance the last week or so.

I know I am not the first mom to experience this, and I am sure I won't be the last, but when I think about it in terms of my household, I feel kind of alone. I can tell Avery knows something is up and stuff is changing (hence the refusal to potty train) around here, but I am not sure she truly gets how much her life will change - of course for the better all around - but is that what she will be thinking when we bring that new little bundle of joy through our door? Then there's John Lee. You see my husband internalizes everything, so a lot of times, I feel alone in how I feel, because I don't always know if that is how he is feeling as well. So, today as I sit here and write this, I kind of just feel anxious and alone.

If you know me, you know I am not good with change. It takes me a while to process something. I am not a go with the flow kind of person - never have been, never claimed to be. So, I am pretty sure that this bout of anxiety is just my way of processing it. A majority of people out there with children, have two or more kids, I am not alone by any means, but in a lot of ways I feel like a new parent all over again, just this time I am not worrying about the delivery or what are we going to bring the baby home in. I am worrying about Avery, schedules, family dynamics, etc.

This pregnancy has been rough on me and everyone in my house. One day I even told John Lee that I wouldn't want to come home to me, so I really appreciate that he still does. He has been a rock throughout this roller coaster of emotions, early contractions, worry, doubt and my ten million trips to the bathroom on a daily (and nightly) basis. I could not have gotten through this without him.

On the other end of this equation, I absolutely CANNOT wait to meet this new addition to our family. I can't wait to see if it's a boy or girl. I can't wait to see what it looks like. A child is always such a blessing, and I know how abundantly blessed we are to have this new little one join our pack of three. On Friday, I will be 35 weeks along and even with these added anxieties, I hope the next five weeks fly by - as I know that they will.


Some things I will not miss about pregnancy:

• Bathroom usage: I cannot believe the amount of times I have to go to the restroom on any given day. I don't even think I know how it feels to not have to go. I know the relief will be greatly appreciated by both my bladder and myself.
• Emotional roller coaster: Okay, I know this won't end with the birth, but at least the end will be in sight, and my hormones can get back on track - eventually.
• Pain and contractions: I can't wait until the contractions that I have been feeling in abundance for about 6-8 weeks now, can actually mean something. Plus, this second pregnancy has proved to be a painful one in a lot of different ways.

Some of the things that I will miss:

• The kicks, movements, and alone time with just my baby and I: Right now, he or she is all mine. Pretty soon, I'm going to have to share them with the world. 
• The extra attention you get when you are pregnant: I mean really, who doesn't enjoy that?!

I think this blog post ended up taking you all through a lot of the different emotions that I am feeling right now. Thanks for giving me a chance to just get it off of my chest. I'm actually feeling a little better about it all.

Lots of love!

Emily

Our Adventures in Potty Training: Part 1

After months of "backing off", we've decided to start the potty training process over again. Let me start from the beginning. Since the Love Bug was about 18 months old, we have had a little potty in our bathroom, she is always in there when I go (actually, I don't think I've had a 'private moment' since she was born), and she hears constantly about the big girl potty.

When she turned 2 yr.s old, we decided it was time to go full force. So, one day, she went with just undies and we sat every 15 minutes on the potty. She went both #1 and #2, once. Then it all went down hill. It became the battle of Avery vs. Momma, and in this case, she won. There was nothing else I could do. My carpets were full of Avery 'goings' - so I spent the time we weren't on the potty cleaning up, and she was doing everything in her will not to even sit on the potty. So, we backed off, until this weekend.

Her and I went on Amazon last week, and ordered a brand new princess potty that she picked out. I also ordered a Princess Potty book, and we patiently waited for both to arrive two days later. I made a big deal out of it - so much so, that when the potty arrived via the UPS man, she and I danced in the living room as we removed it from the box. To my pure happiness, she actually sat on it - without protest - a huge step for my Love Bug (once she doesn't want to do something, it is pretty hard to change her mind, and I wasn't going to make this experience any more traumatic then it already was for her, but forcing the issue). So we 'practiced' and 'practiced' and 'practiced'.

That is where we are now, still 'practicing'. She sits on it in the morning, before nap, after nap and before bed. All just 'practice' in her mind. We have read the Princess Potty book a million times already (only while on the potty), and she gets a sticker each time she 'practices'. Though we still haven't gone in it, I think it is coming soon - at least I hope.

This weekend also marked the first time that she has told us right after she went #1. Before, she could care less. She would bask in a dirty diaper, not caring one little bit. But on Saturday, she walked up to Daddy right after she went, and said, "Daddy, I pee peed." We just said, "Next time, Avery, let us know before you do it next time, but thank you so much for letting us know." She has yet to do that, but I think we are making strides.

I still am feeling a little discouraged this morning though. As I have said before, I am not a patient person, so to have to wait and wait, with a smile on my face and not be discouraging at all, I can't help but have a slightly defeated feeling. What I wouldn't give to have someone else train her. Really, I would pay for that! It's the first time that I have wished she was in day care so someone else can train eight hours during the day, and I only get two or three. I know, not the greatest parenting confession, but the truth, nonetheless. Though, I think that this time around, I too have made strides, in that I am still smiling and not letting her know that my patience is not fully charged when it comes to this step of parenting. The last thing I want is to discourage her again.

I guess, I will end by saying, stay tuned. I will update you all regularly as we make strides in this milestone. I am confortrable in taking it as slow as necessary, so they may be few and far between, but I will update regardless.

The new princess potty and book...

Lots of love!
Emily

Scared little Love Bug

I have to say, thus far, Avery has been a pretty great kid. Sure, she has her moments of pure insanity, but overall, it has taken very little effort on our parts for the big things, like getting her to sleep without having to be rocked, taking a long nap on schedule everyday and weaning from things like the binkey or bottle.

It seems though that our luck has run its course. Lately, our little Love Bug has been scared of almost everything. She saw a bug on the playground at school and flipped out, she constantly has to say out loud that there are "no snakes", and has been waking up a couple of times at night too scared to fall back asleep. Also, what was once the easiest child in the world to put down for a nap or bed for the night, has all of sudden become very needy and wants more than anything to "snuggle momma's bed."

Sure, I would love to snuggle at every request, and often I do; but, as every parent I think will tell you, that is not always feasible - especially nap time, since I work from home and that is my only time to get a good chunk of work hours in during a day. On the other hand, I feel so bad to hear her cry. No longer am I hearing the cries of baby or a newborn - I am hearing the full out fit of a little girl, wanting nothing more than her momma. So, more times than not, I give in - read just one more book, lay beside her on the floor by her bed, or even (gasp!) take her to my bed to fall asleep or take her nap. John Lee always is quick to say, "Do we really want to start that?", meaning a bad habit (Avery is great at remembering everything, so even if we do something out of the norm that she likes, just one time, she will remember and remind us about it every chance she gets). I, on the other hand, feel trapped between a rock and a hard place. Sure, I don't want her in bed with us any more than he does, but I don't want to sleep on a hard floor either - because, let's face it, we aren't going to get away without doing one of the other. Sure, I know I am the parent and "what I say goes", but I have quickly found that with a toddler, that is not always so simple.

More than anything, all I want is to have the answers. I am not a patient person - never have claimed to be. I fear more than anything that my life is going to be in total disarray when baby #2 makes his or her appearance, and right now, Avery isn't helping to ease that feeling. Overall though, I am doing the best that I can and I want nothing more than Avery to feel secure - secure in her home, secure in her surroundings and secure with her parents and family. I am sure that this new baby has thrown the Love Bug for a loop, and she has no clue how to express those feeling to me any other way than through new fears and attachment issues.

Through it all, I hope to wake up each day with a smile on my face grateful for the blessing that is my Love Bug. Sure, my patience is forever and always being tested - and let's face it - it will be that way for the rest of my life because I am a parent - but, through it all, I am so grateful that I have the most precious loving little girl anyone could ask for.

I love that kid for than anything and I know she loves me too!

Great story - today, we were playing and she called me "Best". I asked her, "does that mean momma is your best friend?" and she said, "yes". I couldn't have asked for a better compliment from her. And let's face it, she really is my best friend too.

Until next time.

Lots of love.
Emily

Spring time at Casa de Conner!

So the time has once again got away from me, and I haven't blogged in quite awhile, as a result; therefore, this will once again be one of those all-encompassing blogs that try to fit our many life events since Avery's birthday...

Avery's second birthday came and went with relatively no bang. We had a 'small' birthday party for our family and Avery had a blast playing with all of her cousins and of course her new toys. She really got in to the whole birthday thing, and even now thinks that most days are still her birthday.

For her big birthday present, John Lee and I planned a trip to California. As the day approached for our big trip, both Avery and I fought off some illnesses, but we were ready to load up and have some fun. It was a trip of a lifetime, San Diego Zoo, Disneyland, Phoenix and lots of driving. We intended to visit the Grand Canyon, but of course, our luck, there was a big winter storm during the intended visitation day, and we didn't have the proper winter attire to justify the drive.

Avery loved Disneyland so much. We thought that she would be her typical scared self when it came to the characters, but she embraced them with all of her heart, and got so excited to see who we would run into next. We even waited in line for an hour and a half to see the Disney Princesses - well worth every minute, once we saw her face when she took her first look at them.

Overall, we had a blast, and we absolutely can't wait to take our next trip; however, next time I think we are going to make the complete trek to Florida and do the Disney World thing.

Since we have been back, life has gotten back to normal. We had a visit from Uncle Jake, then Auntie Tara, Uncle Jay, Morgan and Lauren. What a great time, and of course, little miss Love Bug was her typical bossy self to all of her cousins.

As spring has sprung, so has the Love Bug's language skills. I actually have full, real conversations with her. She cracks us up most of all, everyday. We did attempt potty training again - that did not go well, but we will try again soon. I intend to blog about the potty training chronicles, so stay tuned.

In other, very great news, we will be welcoming a new addition to Casa de Conner. I may have to rename the blog to accommodate :0), but we couldn't be happier. Our new addition will be here roughly around September 16th. Of course in our typical fashion, we won't be finding out what it is. We really like the element of surprise.

Most of all, the Love Bug could not be happier about being a big sister. She knows where the baby is ("Mommy's tummy"). It will be such a great new chapter in our story.

Until next time!

Much love.

Emily