I know I am not the first mom to experience this, and I am sure I won't be the last, but when I think about it in terms of my household, I feel kind of alone. I can tell Avery knows something is up and stuff is changing (hence the refusal to potty train) around here, but I am not sure she truly gets how much her life will change - of course for the better all around - but is that what she will be thinking when we bring that new little bundle of joy through our door? Then there's John Lee. You see my husband internalizes everything, so a lot of times, I feel alone in how I feel, because I don't always know if that is how he is feeling as well. So, today as I sit here and write this, I kind of just feel anxious and alone.
If you know me, you know I am not good with change. It takes me a while to process something. I am not a go with the flow kind of person - never have been, never claimed to be. So, I am pretty sure that this bout of anxiety is just my way of processing it. A majority of people out there with children, have two or more kids, I am not alone by any means, but in a lot of ways I feel like a new parent all over again, just this time I am not worrying about the delivery or what are we going to bring the baby home in. I am worrying about Avery, schedules, family dynamics, etc.
This pregnancy has been rough on me and everyone in my house. One day I even told John Lee that I wouldn't want to come home to me, so I really appreciate that he still does. He has been a rock throughout this roller coaster of emotions, early contractions, worry, doubt and my ten million trips to the bathroom on a daily (and nightly) basis. I could not have gotten through this without him.
On the other end of this equation, I absolutely CANNOT wait to meet this new addition to our family. I can't wait to see if it's a boy or girl. I can't wait to see what it looks like. A child is always such a blessing, and I know how abundantly blessed we are to have this new little one join our pack of three. On Friday, I will be 35 weeks along and even with these added anxieties, I hope the next five weeks fly by - as I know that they will.
Some things I will not miss about pregnancy:
- Bathroom usage: I cannot believe the amount of times I have to go to the restroom on any given day. I don't even think I know how it feels to not have to go. I know the relief will be greatly appreciated by both my bladder and myself.
- Emotional roller coaster: Okay, I know this won't end with the birth, but at least the end will be in sight, and my hormones can get back on track - eventually.
- Pain and contractions: I can't wait until the contractions that I have been feeling in abundance for about 6-8 weeks now, can actually mean something. Plus, this second pregnancy has proved to be a painful one in a lot of different ways.
Some of the things that I will miss:
- The kicks, movements, and alone time with just my baby and I: Right now, he or she is all mine. Pretty soon, I'm going to have to share them with the world.
- The extra attention you get when you are pregnant: I mean really, who doesn't enjoy that?!
I think this blog post ended up taking you all through a lot of the different emotions that I am feeling right now. Thanks for giving me a chance to just get it off of my chest. I'm actually feeling a little better about it all.
Lots of love!
Emily
