New baby anxiety...

As the arrival of our second baby is quickly approaching, I am feeling a lot of anxiety. I can't really pin what I'm anxious about exactly. Maybe it's the fact that Avery and I won't just be Avery and I anymore. Maybe it's the extra work that I know will come in abundance once the little one arrives. Maybe it's everything all balled up into this one emotion. I don't know? I just know that I have it and it's definitely in abundance the last week or so.

I know I am not the first mom to experience this, and I am sure I won't be the last, but when I think about it in terms of my household, I feel kind of alone. I can tell Avery knows something is up and stuff is changing (hence the refusal to potty train) around here, but I am not sure she truly gets how much her life will change - of course for the better all around - but is that what she will be thinking when we bring that new little bundle of joy through our door? Then there's John Lee. You see my husband internalizes everything, so a lot of times, I feel alone in how I feel, because I don't always know if that is how he is feeling as well. So, today as I sit here and write this, I kind of just feel anxious and alone.

If you know me, you know I am not good with change. It takes me a while to process something. I am not a go with the flow kind of person - never have been, never claimed to be. So, I am pretty sure that this bout of anxiety is just my way of processing it. A majority of people out there with children, have two or more kids, I am not alone by any means, but in a lot of ways I feel like a new parent all over again, just this time I am not worrying about the delivery or what are we going to bring the baby home in. I am worrying about Avery, schedules, family dynamics, etc.

This pregnancy has been rough on me and everyone in my house. One day I even told John Lee that I wouldn't want to come home to me, so I really appreciate that he still does. He has been a rock throughout this roller coaster of emotions, early contractions, worry, doubt and my ten million trips to the bathroom on a daily (and nightly) basis. I could not have gotten through this without him.

On the other end of this equation, I absolutely CANNOT wait to meet this new addition to our family. I can't wait to see if it's a boy or girl. I can't wait to see what it looks like. A child is always such a blessing, and I know how abundantly blessed we are to have this new little one join our pack of three. On Friday, I will be 35 weeks along and even with these added anxieties, I hope the next five weeks fly by - as I know that they will.


Some things I will not miss about pregnancy:

• Bathroom usage: I cannot believe the amount of times I have to go to the restroom on any given day. I don't even think I know how it feels to not have to go. I know the relief will be greatly appreciated by both my bladder and myself.
• Emotional roller coaster: Okay, I know this won't end with the birth, but at least the end will be in sight, and my hormones can get back on track - eventually.
• Pain and contractions: I can't wait until the contractions that I have been feeling in abundance for about 6-8 weeks now, can actually mean something. Plus, this second pregnancy has proved to be a painful one in a lot of different ways.

Some of the things that I will miss:

• The kicks, movements, and alone time with just my baby and I: Right now, he or she is all mine. Pretty soon, I'm going to have to share them with the world. 
• The extra attention you get when you are pregnant: I mean really, who doesn't enjoy that?!

I think this blog post ended up taking you all through a lot of the different emotions that I am feeling right now. Thanks for giving me a chance to just get it off of my chest. I'm actually feeling a little better about it all.

Lots of love!

Emily

Our Adventures in Potty Training: Part 1

After months of "backing off", we've decided to start the potty training process over again. Let me start from the beginning. Since the Love Bug was about 18 months old, we have had a little potty in our bathroom, she is always in there when I go (actually, I don't think I've had a 'private moment' since she was born), and she hears constantly about the big girl potty.

When she turned 2 yr.s old, we decided it was time to go full force. So, one day, she went with just undies and we sat every 15 minutes on the potty. She went both #1 and #2, once. Then it all went down hill. It became the battle of Avery vs. Momma, and in this case, she won. There was nothing else I could do. My carpets were full of Avery 'goings' - so I spent the time we weren't on the potty cleaning up, and she was doing everything in her will not to even sit on the potty. So, we backed off, until this weekend.

Her and I went on Amazon last week, and ordered a brand new princess potty that she picked out. I also ordered a Princess Potty book, and we patiently waited for both to arrive two days later. I made a big deal out of it - so much so, that when the potty arrived via the UPS man, she and I danced in the living room as we removed it from the box. To my pure happiness, she actually sat on it - without protest - a huge step for my Love Bug (once she doesn't want to do something, it is pretty hard to change her mind, and I wasn't going to make this experience any more traumatic then it already was for her, but forcing the issue). So we 'practiced' and 'practiced' and 'practiced'.

That is where we are now, still 'practicing'. She sits on it in the morning, before nap, after nap and before bed. All just 'practice' in her mind. We have read the Princess Potty book a million times already (only while on the potty), and she gets a sticker each time she 'practices'. Though we still haven't gone in it, I think it is coming soon - at least I hope.

This weekend also marked the first time that she has told us right after she went #1. Before, she could care less. She would bask in a dirty diaper, not caring one little bit. But on Saturday, she walked up to Daddy right after she went, and said, "Daddy, I pee peed." We just said, "Next time, Avery, let us know before you do it next time, but thank you so much for letting us know." She has yet to do that, but I think we are making strides.

I still am feeling a little discouraged this morning though. As I have said before, I am not a patient person, so to have to wait and wait, with a smile on my face and not be discouraging at all, I can't help but have a slightly defeated feeling. What I wouldn't give to have someone else train her. Really, I would pay for that! It's the first time that I have wished she was in day care so someone else can train eight hours during the day, and I only get two or three. I know, not the greatest parenting confession, but the truth, nonetheless. Though, I think that this time around, I too have made strides, in that I am still smiling and not letting her know that my patience is not fully charged when it comes to this step of parenting. The last thing I want is to discourage her again.

I guess, I will end by saying, stay tuned. I will update you all regularly as we make strides in this milestone. I am confortrable in taking it as slow as necessary, so they may be few and far between, but I will update regardless.

The new princess potty and book...

Lots of love!
Emily

Scared little Love Bug

I have to say, thus far, Avery has been a pretty great kid. Sure, she has her moments of pure insanity, but overall, it has taken very little effort on our parts for the big things, like getting her to sleep without having to be rocked, taking a long nap on schedule everyday and weaning from things like the binkey or bottle.

It seems though that our luck has run its course. Lately, our little Love Bug has been scared of almost everything. She saw a bug on the playground at school and flipped out, she constantly has to say out loud that there are "no snakes", and has been waking up a couple of times at night too scared to fall back asleep. Also, what was once the easiest child in the world to put down for a nap or bed for the night, has all of sudden become very needy and wants more than anything to "snuggle momma's bed."

Sure, I would love to snuggle at every request, and often I do; but, as every parent I think will tell you, that is not always feasible - especially nap time, since I work from home and that is my only time to get a good chunk of work hours in during a day. On the other hand, I feel so bad to hear her cry. No longer am I hearing the cries of baby or a newborn - I am hearing the full out fit of a little girl, wanting nothing more than her momma. So, more times than not, I give in - read just one more book, lay beside her on the floor by her bed, or even (gasp!) take her to my bed to fall asleep or take her nap. John Lee always is quick to say, "Do we really want to start that?", meaning a bad habit (Avery is great at remembering everything, so even if we do something out of the norm that she likes, just one time, she will remember and remind us about it every chance she gets). I, on the other hand, feel trapped between a rock and a hard place. Sure, I don't want her in bed with us any more than he does, but I don't want to sleep on a hard floor either - because, let's face it, we aren't going to get away without doing one of the other. Sure, I know I am the parent and "what I say goes", but I have quickly found that with a toddler, that is not always so simple.

More than anything, all I want is to have the answers. I am not a patient person - never have claimed to be. I fear more than anything that my life is going to be in total disarray when baby #2 makes his or her appearance, and right now, Avery isn't helping to ease that feeling. Overall though, I am doing the best that I can and I want nothing more than Avery to feel secure - secure in her home, secure in her surroundings and secure with her parents and family. I am sure that this new baby has thrown the Love Bug for a loop, and she has no clue how to express those feeling to me any other way than through new fears and attachment issues.

Through it all, I hope to wake up each day with a smile on my face grateful for the blessing that is my Love Bug. Sure, my patience is forever and always being tested - and let's face it - it will be that way for the rest of my life because I am a parent - but, through it all, I am so grateful that I have the most precious loving little girl anyone could ask for.

I love that kid for than anything and I know she loves me too!

Great story - today, we were playing and she called me "Best". I asked her, "does that mean momma is your best friend?" and she said, "yes". I couldn't have asked for a better compliment from her. And let's face it, she really is my best friend too.

Until next time.

Lots of love.
Emily

Spring time at Casa de Conner!

So the time has once again got away from me, and I haven't blogged in quite awhile, as a result; therefore, this will once again be one of those all-encompassing blogs that try to fit our many life events since Avery's birthday...

Avery's second birthday came and went with relatively no bang. We had a 'small' birthday party for our family and Avery had a blast playing with all of her cousins and of course her new toys. She really got in to the whole birthday thing, and even now thinks that most days are still her birthday.

For her big birthday present, John Lee and I planned a trip to California. As the day approached for our big trip, both Avery and I fought off some illnesses, but we were ready to load up and have some fun. It was a trip of a lifetime, San Diego Zoo, Disneyland, Phoenix and lots of driving. We intended to visit the Grand Canyon, but of course, our luck, there was a big winter storm during the intended visitation day, and we didn't have the proper winter attire to justify the drive.

Avery loved Disneyland so much. We thought that she would be her typical scared self when it came to the characters, but she embraced them with all of her heart, and got so excited to see who we would run into next. We even waited in line for an hour and a half to see the Disney Princesses - well worth every minute, once we saw her face when she took her first look at them.

Overall, we had a blast, and we absolutely can't wait to take our next trip; however, next time I think we are going to make the complete trek to Florida and do the Disney World thing.

Since we have been back, life has gotten back to normal. We had a visit from Uncle Jake, then Auntie Tara, Uncle Jay, Morgan and Lauren. What a great time, and of course, little miss Love Bug was her typical bossy self to all of her cousins.

As spring has sprung, so has the Love Bug's language skills. I actually have full, real conversations with her. She cracks us up most of all, everyday. We did attempt potty training again - that did not go well, but we will try again soon. I intend to blog about the potty training chronicles, so stay tuned.

In other, very great news, we will be welcoming a new addition to Casa de Conner. I may have to rename the blog to accommodate :0), but we couldn't be happier. Our new addition will be here roughly around September 16th. Of course in our typical fashion, we won't be finding out what it is. We really like the element of surprise.

Most of all, the Love Bug could not be happier about being a big sister. She knows where the baby is ("Mommy's tummy"). It will be such a great new chapter in our story.

Until next time!

Much love.

Emily

Dear Avery:

My precious Love Bug, tomorrow is your second birthday, and with that brings a lot of joy, as well as some sadness, for your momma.

I am little sad, because another year and has come and gone so very fast. It seems like just yesterday, we brought you home from the hospital, and now you are becoming a person, full of spirit and sass, all rolled in to one.

With that said, I am so very happy that you are in my life. Every day I am blessed to see you grow hour by hour, day by day. There is nothing that I miss and for that, both you and I should be so very grateful to your daddy. He works hard so we can spend this time together. I know that I am forever grateful for that, and one day, you will be too.

They say that children learn the most in the first five years of life, and now, I can say that I truly believe that statistic. You are one smart cookie. You say words and put together sentences that even at two are too big for you. Your understanding of concepts and  your memory do nothing but amaze me every day. You are also extremely timid - having to assess the world around you before you will commit to anything - even something as little as riding a carousel. You are so loving and compassionate. If anyone (including a television character) is sad, you sense that right away, and are extremely concerned. You give those you love random kisses and make sure that we know that you love us. You are a picky eater. You are messy - which you are quick to let me know regularly. You are a selective listener. You are so funny - not just in what you do, but the jokes that you tell. Your laugh is contagious. You are stubborn beyond words, hell bent in knowing what you want so early in life. And above all, you are loved.

These traits only crack the surface on the person your are becoming. As we approach your second birthday tomorrow, remember that your daddy and I are so very proud of you. We love you more than anything, and we truly know that we weren't a family until you came in to our lives.

Thank you for loving us unconditionally. I look forward to spending the rest of my life in awe of the person that together your daddy and I created.

Happy Birthday!

Love you!

Momma

The Love Bug's first dinner party...

This morning, like most mornings, when it's time to get dressed, Avery was desperately vying to dress like a "princess". Well, there are two things in her closet that she deems "princess" worthy, and they were both in the dirty laundry. When this has happened in the past, I usually take some feature of the outfit I choose to put on her and make it "princess" worthy - i.e. see that holly on the reindeer's antler, that makes the reindeer a princess. More often than not, that usually suffices, but not today.Then I remembered the big box of dress up clothes that Momo (John Lee's mom) gave her for Christmas. So I dressed her in regular clothes then let her pick which ever princess dress from there that she wanted to wear. I now must admit that I think that this action will ultimately bite me in my rear-end, but I am not feeling too well today, so I was in no position to think to the future.

She chose the "Dorothy" dress. Though it isn't technically a princess dress, in the mind of an almost two-year-old, it was super cool. Also for Christmas she received a dish set and fake food. So she sat on her kid table set up in her room and said, "lunch". I then thought, let's have a dinner party... so I got out the place settings for her and myself. But really, I just wanted to take pictures, so she wasn't too happy with her dinner guest. Then I saw her big stuffed Pooh Bear on her bed, and he took over my duties as dinner guest. She also set up her dolls high-chair, gave her her pretend sippy-cup, then wanted Tigger to join the party and asked me to move her rocking chair over to complete her table of four. Of course, momma then needed to set the table to accommodate the new dinner guests, but once it was complete, she just sat there, then fed everyone else, and pretended to be in charge of the entire situation. It had to be one of the cutest things ever, and it definetely made this momma's heart happy.

Of course in the middle of the action, I ran to get my camera, because let's face it, this is a perfect scrapbooking opportunity. But, to my dismay, the battery was dead. So, I improvised and got some shots on my phone (though not the best quality, at least I got something). I also got the video camera out and recorded all of the action.

As Avery's first dinner party came to an end, Grandma (my mom) came over and joined in the fun. What resulted was a great morning of uninhibited girlie fun. It's very reasons like this that I am so grateful to get to stay home with the Love Bug. I mean, who wants to miss tickets to hottest dinner party in town?!

Lots of love!
Emily

Welcome 2011!

During the past month, all of us at Casa de Conner were so preoccupied by Christmas, that it seems like 2011 just crept up on us. But we are truly ready for what this new year has in store for our family - Avery's second birthday, a trip to Disneyland, a visit from our family in Minnesota, setting up and using our new pool, using our camper trailer a little more - the list goes on.

Our New Year's Eve was one of the best in recent memory. John Lee and I went to the Sun Bowl and watched Notre Dame beat the University of Miami. It was sooooo cold! The weather was truly uncharacteristic of El Paso, as it didn't get above 33 degrees the entire game, with snow flurries off and on. Nevertheless, we had a lot of fun with friends and family and were ready to come home to our Love Bug.

We went out to dinner then came home to watch movies and have a serious snugglefest with Avery. She absolutely loves to snuggle. Every night, the three of us try to have our snuggle time on the living room floor - taking the pillows off the couch, getting some blankets out of the closet, reading books and watching TV. Avery tells us when it is time to snuggle and we obediently oblige her request. It has turned into such a great opportunity for the three of us to spend quality time with each other, and it is my hope that it will never end.

Our New Year's Eve ended around 10 p.m. We let Avery stay up as long as she could make it, but she was really ready to go to bed at that time, and I wasn't very far behind her. John Lee woke me up at midnight to watch the ball drop and give me a New Year's kiss, then my head hit the pillow and I was down for the count. 

On Thursday (Dec. 30) we switched her crib to a toddler bed. Let me just say that the Love Bug doesn't always respond well to change in general (I won't even start with how much of a failure our first attempt at potty training was). So, when John Lee and I were cleaning out her room for the new year, making room for all of her new toys she received for Christmas, I thought, why not?! I had John Lee there to help me, and let's just start fresh all the way around. Well, the first nap didn't go so well. She kept getting out of bed, knocking on the door, yelling "knock-knock". We patiently put her back in her bed and the third time was a charm. She took a nice long nap and was instantly used to her new bed - even calling it her "big girl" bed and showing it off to anyone who would look. The first night went great too. I even woke up in the morning to check on her and she was headed down the hallway, blanket over the shoulder and Mickey in hand, with the intention of climbing in bed with mommy and daddy. Well, early this morning, around 5 a.m., I awoke to the Love Bug standing next to my side of the bed, yelling "momma". All I wanted to do is put her in the middle of John Lee and I, and fall back asleep, but I thought it better to take her back to her bed and set a precedence as to how we are going to handle this new found freedom.   It worked, and she slept another two full hours. Then about 7 a.m. I woke up coughing, and from across the house I hear my little Love Bug's sweet voice, say "Bless You Momma!" It made my heart happy.

Let me end this post with some resolution talk. After all, what would New Years be without resolving to do something. With 2011 upon us, I'm reflecting on our life at Casa de Conner and I feel truly blessed. God is good. As far as resolutions, I personally resolve to freak out less, and look to God more. Lately, I have been trying to take everything in my own hands and not trusting in Him to guide me. That has to change with this new year. John Lee and I are going to stop going to Church just because we "have to", and start going to Church with actual intent. If that weren't enough, I also resolve to be more organized, procrastinate less, scrapbook more and live with a content heart. That is a big menu to order up, but with the help of those I love, and of course, our God, I am determined to see it through. I also realize that I can't do this all by January 2nd, rather I will take it one step at a time, one bite at a time, if you will.

Also, say a little prayer for John Lee and I; after all, we will be parents of a very independent, strong-willed, two-year-old, and any parent of a two-year-old could use all the prayers they can get. Am I wrong?

Here's to another blessed year at Casa de Conner.

Lots of love!
Emily