Seeing a light at the end of the tunnel...

I know, I know. It's been too long since I last wrote a blog (that seems to be my norm, I guess). Today, however, I thought I would hop on a let y'all know that the countdown is on. Evan only has two weeks left of his helmet...

As I was starting to write this particular blog entry I was looking at images online of other babies who have gone through the same treatment as Evan. I happened across a blog that blamed neglect from parents as the reason that babies have flat heads. It made me so angry that I decided to take a different approach to this particular entry.

First and foremost, for the record, Evan has NEVER been neglected. Since day one, he has been loved and nurtured with the greatest of passion from everyone in his life. Now, I assume if you read this blog, you know me and my family on a personal level. I would also assume you know full-well that Evan has never been neglected; however, I feel like I need to shout it from the roof tops right now, just to prove a point. But since everyone is inside, because it's over 100 degrees outside, I will save my voice and just say it here instead.

Reading those accusations on the blog today, was not the first time I had heard that theory, and it won't be the last. Over the last 3 1/2 months, we have heard a lot different things, been asked a lot of different questions, and looked at funnily (is that a word? oh well, I'm using it anyway) by a lot of different people. A teenage girl even flat out laughed at him while we were walking through the mall (of course I gave her the mom death stare). Normally, I let it roll off my back, because after all, he only has to wear it for 4 months, not forever, like some people do for other disabilities. Who am I to feel sorry for myself?! But today was different. I couldn't just sit back and read flat out lies based on misguided assumptions.

So here it goes. A child, if prone to it, will develop a flat head, no matter what measures you take to prevent it. Unless you sit your baby up 24/7 or lay them on their belly when they sleep (which is dangerous in itself), it is practically inevitable. It is in no way the parents fault. It would be like saying that it was the parent's fault when a child's teeth grew in crooked and they needed braces. It just isn't the case.

Yes, I know there are many cases out there of neglected children who also developed a flat head. Otherwise, there wouldn't be the stigma in the first place. But for people to immediately go there, is unfair and naive. Obviously pediatricians and specialists don't always go there. Otherwise, everyone who steps in to their office with this situation, would be monitored by CPS.

I guess, what I'm trying to say, is as a society, we should stop assuming the worst of everyone else, and thinking that we are the only ones who have it all figured out - especially when it comes to parenting. It is hard enough. Tough decisions are made all of the time. Do you think it was easy for John Lee and I to say, yes, go ahead and put a helmet on our infant for 23 hours/day for four months? No, it wasn't. It was a decision that we talked about, researched, and most importantly prayed about.

All in all, it was the BEST decision we could have made for our son. His head is beautiful. He no longer is at risk of developmental delays in the part of the brain where his head was flat, and he has a better chance to avoid TMJ and vision problems, usually associated with his type deformed head. And the best part is, during this time that he has been most prone to falls, because he learned to crawl and now walk, he has been protected by his helmet. So, no complaints there.

I am very anxious, however, for the day we are done with it forever. I will not miss the stinky, stinky, stinky, head. I will not miss not being able to properly snuggle with my little man. I will not miss having to stay inside more because he gets overheated easily. I will not miss the heat rashes. I will not miss the head butts to to the nose that hurt so, so, so bad. I will not miss the stares in public or the absurd questions people ask. I'm telling you, this situation has given me a only a very small glimpse into the life of someone with disabilities or deformities, and I am walking away from it a better, more understanding person of the obstacles that they face day in and day out. They are angels among us - that I know for sure.

So, that brings me back to the original intention of this post - July 9th is the day - I will have my little man back in the way that he was intended...  Watch out world, he is going to be a major heart breaker!

Lots of love!

Emily

Sorry this is sideways. I couldn't figure out how to adjust it.

Fixin' My Flat!

Last week, I announced on Facebook that Mr. Evan will be getting a helmet to fix his flat head. I know I had a lot of questions about everything, and thought that our family and friends probably did as well. So, I will do my best to give y'all the run down on what this means for him and our family for the next four to five months.

So, let me start from the beginning. Evan was four weeks early, therefore classified as a preemie - and, as most of you know, he had a brief stay in the NICU after birth (one week). He also slept a lot. And by a lot, I mean A LOT. There were days that he was up maybe 2 hours collectively the entire day. He would sleep through feedings, diaper changes, everything. I told John Lee repeatedly that I didn't remember Avery sleeping as much as Evan did. I also told my pediatrician. To be honest, it kind of worried me; however, his doctor said he just needed to catch up from his early arrival, and to not worry about it.

He did catch up. Though he is still a great sleeper, he doesn't sleep all the time and is quite normal, as far as babies his age go. But, as a result of his excess sleeping, trip to the NICU, and just being a preemie, in general, he developed a flat head in the back.

Of course as parents, you are told to always lay your children on their backs, to prevent SIDS. So we did, religiously. At his two month appointment, when I first brought up my concern over his head shape, I was told to make sure to reposition him as to not favor one side or the other - which I did; however as a result, his entire back of his head is flat. He doesn't have one particular "spot" over the other. At that appointment, I was also told that we could watch it and see how it shapes up once he is awake more for tummy time and not on his head so much.

By the time his 4 month appointment approached, he still had his flat head. So, I brought it up again and she said that it still could correct itself with tummy time, repositioning, and sitting in his Bumbo chair more, but we would determine a plan of action at his 6 month appointment if there is no improvement.

Evan on Jan. 9, 2012 - 4 months old

During those two months, I watched it pretty closely. John Lee and I discussed the possibilities. What we would do if he had to wear a helmet, etc. I was all for it. John Lee was a little more hesitant - "It really isn't that bad, Emily." was his response. I had days where I would look at it and agree with him, but then there were days that I would look at it and think, "Boy, it really is flat." Then I would see grown men, with flat and misshaped heads and think, "I bet they wished their moms did something about that when they were young." 

As his 6 month appointment approached, I knew that we were going to be referred to a specialist. His head was still very flat (though it did change shape somewhat). I guess you can say I was ready for what was coming. My view was, if he needed to get braces to fix his crooked teeth as a teenager, we wouldn't hesitate to get them fixed, so there shouldn't be any hesitation to do this - whatever "this" was.

Needless to say, Evan's doctor did refer us out. The specialist immediately got us in and took measurements of his head and a 3D image. He was diagnosed with Deformational Plagiocephaly, which is the most common head shape deformity in young infants. The skull can assume an abnormal shape due to many different factors, position in the womb, prematurity, how their plates fused or grew, etc.; and though they can't say for sure, what causes it specifically in each case, they can speculate, and they assume Evan's was caused by the fact that he was a preemie. Of course, as a parent, you immediately ask if there was anything that we could have done differently to prevent it? And the answer in Evan's case was, no. We did what we could, and by no fault of our own, he developed a flat head. It's that simple. Some kids are more prone to it than others. There are stories of twins, with similar sleeping habits, same families, same amount of tummy time, etc., that one developed the condition and the other did not. So, it could not have been prevented, but it can be treated.

And that leads me to Evan's new piece of head gear - his cranial remolding helmet.With the 3D image that was taken of Evan's head, they will make a mold. The helmet will then be fitted to that mold. We got to choose the colors. We opted for a plain blue and we are going to decorate it with stickers. My cousin told me about a little girl she knew who had to do the same treatment and they put a sticker on her helmet that said "Fixin' My Flat!" We love that, as it will help deter some questions people may have, and face it, it is dang cute.

 An picture of what the helmet will look like

He will have to wear his helmet for 3 or 4 months, 23 hours a day. I have read a lot about them and even got to meet another 6 month old who was in the office when I was there who had his helmet for about a week. The dad said that it hasn't phased him one bit, and to be honest, has been harder on he and his wife, than his son. It will be a commitment on our part, to ensure that he wears it when he should, but we are ready. We are committed. Of course, we had our reservations and anxieties about the stigmas attached to something like this, but quickly got over it, because we know that it is what is best for our son. There isn't anything wrong with what he has to go through and like I said, when you compare it to braces to fix crooked teeth, then it really isn't really a big deal. His three months will be over before we know it.

Right now, we are in a waiting game. We are waiting to see if it is approved by our insurance. The doctor doesn't seem to think that there will be a problem with the approval, but you just never know. Of course, I will keep everyone updated as this process continues. And like I've said before, just think how much more of a stud muffin he is going to be once this is all said and done?! I mean really, have you seen how cute he is?!

Lots of Love!

Emily

Avery Victoria turns three!

Dear Avery,

Today is your third birthday. Three short years ago, your daddy and I welcomed you to this world with open arms. It was the happiest day of our lives. You see, we had dreamed about that day for so long.

We had no clue if you were a boy or girl, and we really didn't care; however, when they announced you were a girl, I had a pure joy in my heart that I cannot even explain. I had hoped for you. Yes, YOU. You were the answer to all of my prayers. You were (are) my blessing. The love in my heart grew a million times over that day.

Since then, our relationship has grown to be one that I will forever cherish. Sure, we bump heads, because after all, we are the same person. I often say that you get just as sick of me as I do of you. But we have a love for each other that is indescribable with words.

I will forever cherish your hugs and kisses, your jokes and giggles, your stories and voice. Avery, you are one of a kind. You are smart. You are sassy. You are a know-it-all. You are funny. You have the ability to make a bad day, good. You dance to your own beat. You will go as far in life as you put your mind to, for you will not take no for an answer. You are the best big sister in the world. You are a great helper. You love to read, and color, and play. You love to watch T.V. You love school. You love the moon and hate the sun (at least when it shines in your face). You love your friends and cousins. You love family hugs, and kissing your brother. You are inquisitive. You remember things that you shouldn't. You are the best YOU, EVER!

Today, on your third birthday, I wish you joy, love and happiness. I wish you a year of exploration, as well as lots of trial and error, for that is how you will learn. Mostly, I wish you to be the best you, you can be. I will be here every step of the way, and I'm telling you here and now, I can't wait!!!

I love you up to the sky and down to ground, my sweet Love Bug.

Happy Birthday!

Momma

Here are some things we want to remember about you at 3-years-old:

- You weigh 29.4 lbs. (Height and percentiles will have to wait until your check-up in a couple of weeks)

- You are total girlie-girl. You love dresses and are extremely scared of bugs.

- You love to talk. And talk. And talk. Quite frankly, if you are awake, you are talking about something.

- You are a picky eater and will only eat a couple of fruits, lots of apple sauce and no vegetables.

- Your favorite food right now is peanut butter sandwiches, but you love noodles, pepperoni, and cheese; however, you are picky about the way each is prepared.

- Your favorite thing to do is read. You will "read" all day long to your self and take in every word when we read to you.

- You love to color and draw. You create masterpieces and put them on the refrigerator yourself. I often have to go through and clean off the many pieces of art work, or we can't even open the door.

- Your favorite thing in the world is your "gankie" (blanket). You have to have that thing to sleep. You bring it out of your room every morning and if you don't, you say, "oh, I almost forgot my gankie."

- You just learned the sign for "I Love You" and you do it for daddy every morning before he leaves, along with a "drive carefully, daddy."

- You are a great pretender. You have your "kids" and those kids do everything. They are very well taken care of by you.

- You are learning your right from your left and 9 times out of 10, you get it right.

- You love your brother more than anything in the whole world, but you aren't smothering to him either. You let him do his thing, while you do yours, but you often stop what you are doing to entertain him and make him smile. Sometimes you get a little jealous if I'm feeding him and you need me to do something for you.

- You love to look at the moon and try to figure out what it is shaped like (a circle, a banana, a smiley face, etc.)

- You love your family, extended family, etc.

- You are terrified of dogs, but love horses and cats - go figure.

- You love "Hucky Cheeses" (Chucky Cheeses), even though you have only been there a couple of times.

- You love to play tag and hide and go seek with who ever you can get to play with you, but always give up your location with a giggle or your loud voice.

- You are in love with the idea of your birthday. We have been counting down the days since around July when you went to your cousin Payton's birthday party.

- You love to dance and will make everyone in the room dance with you.

- You are super bossy and pretty much a know-it-all

- We know you are in your "fast run" when you arms swing beside you, up near your armpits.

- You want to go back to Disneyland so badly, because you are obsessed with everything Disney - Mickey, Minnie, Goofy, Donald, and the Princesses.

- You love to run errands with me and sit in the big girl part of the cart.

- You are extremely timid, but once you warm up to someone, you will talk their ear off.

- You hate getting out of the bath, because you get cold.

- You have to have both your night lights on in order to sleep.

- You are a great napper. Usually, you will take a 2 to 4 hour nap every day. If you don't, though, watch out. You are one grouchy little lady once 7 p.m. hits, then it's off to bed for you.

- You go to bed at 8:30 p.m. and get up at 7 a.m.

- You can't wait to play sports with kids your own age.  

- Your best friends at school are Piper, Marcus and Evan

- Your teachers are Mrs. Elise and Mrs. Patricia

- You still haven't gotten the hang of your tricycle, but we are planning lots of practice times this year, so you can get a big girl bike either for Christmas or for your fourth birthday.

- You are the coolest kid I know. ;0)

Meeting your brother for the first time.

Our family

Such a goober

My love bug.

 

My little Love Bug isn't so little anymore...

Well, let the countdown begin. Avery's third birthday is in 11 days. Yes, that's right, she will be three years old. My oh my, where has the time gone? Seems like only yesterday that I found out that we were expecting her and now she is closer to her first day of kindergarten than her birth. CRAZY!

I saw a great idea on Pinterest and thought that I would start a new tradition at Casa de Conner - birthday questions. Tonight, John Lee and I sat Avery down, after her brother went to bed, and asked her a list of questions. This is the same list of questions that I will ask her every year on, or around, her birthday. I am so curious to see how the answers change with each passing year. These are completely her answers. Enjoy!

How old are you? Three! (with three fingers up)
What makes you happy?  Mickey Mouse
What is your favorite animal? Giraffe
What is your favorite thing to eat? Noodles
What is your favorite thing to do? Toys
What is your favorite TV show? Caillou
What are you really good at? Big Sister (totally melted my heart)
What is your favorite movie? Mouseketeers
What is your favorite color? Pink
What is your favorite song? Jesus Love Me (awesome, right?!)
Who is your best friend? Piper
What do you and mommy do together? Play
What do you and daddy do together? Watch cartoons
What is your favorite sport? Soccer
What is your favorite place to go? Zoo
What is your favorite book? The apple book (that is not the name of the book, but that is what she calls it)
What do you want to be when you grow up? Play soccer

I am sure this will be the first of a couple posts leading up to Avery's big day. I love this little kid with every bit of myself and I am so happy to have her in my life and call her my daughter.

At the El Paso Zoo a couple of weeks ago

Until the next post.

Lots of love!
Emily

A letter to my children this holiday season...

Dear Avery and Evan,

It is the happiest season of all. A season full of hope. A season full of joy. A season full of wonder. A season full of excitement. A season sprinkled with enough magic and wonder to last a lifetime.

As a child, there was no other time in my life that I valued more than Christmas time. In a world that, for me, was often chaotic and unsteady, it was a time that I could truly believe in something. I loved everything that came along with Christmas - Jesus, Santa, snow, presents (times two, since my parents weren't together), family, church, love, joy, hope, dreams - I loved it all.

Now as your mother, I want nothing more than to give you both those same feelings that I had. Christmas is a great time to enjoy family, to enjoy friends, to enjoy life. I want you to have it all (and no, I am not talking about the hottest toys - though I must admit, presents are a huge bonus to the holiday season).

As an adult, and more so, as a parent, the holidays often become one long "to-do" list. At times, I have been sucked in to this said "to-do" list and have almost forgotten what the meaning of the holiday truly is. I almost forgot that all of my hard work will be rewarded, through your joy and through your spirit. You see, if year after year, you come out of the holidays with a true sense of gratitude, I have done my job. It's not if I bake all of the cookies or you have exactly X# of presents under the tree. It's when all is said and done, you are grateful and you know WHY we celebrate, then I have truly succeeded.

You see, your momma gets overwhelmed sometimes, and I all too often forget the WHY myself. So, today, on this 19th day of December, I am vowing to stop letting the little stuff get to me.  I am vowing to take a step back and realize that I will never get this Christmas back again. I will never see you, Avery, opening presents, singing happy birthday to Jesus, or eating cookies, when you were two, ever again. I will never see you, Evan, stare at the Christmas tree for hours on end when you were four months old, ever again. For both of you will grow up. And yes, next Christmas will be just as magical, but it won't be this Christmas.

I guess what I am trying to say to you both, is though it is hard for me at times, I am vowing to live in the moment. To be happy with the world I have around me, for it is the best and most blessed world I could have ever hoped for or dreamed of. In so many ways, Christmas is better now than it ever was when I was your age, and that is because of you both. You two are the best gifts I could have ever asked for.

So here's to our family. Whether we added a new tradition, stuck to the old, or said that we just couldn't add one more thing to the list, we are together, and that is all that matters - now and forever!

I love you both so much. May you be truly amazed by this most joyous of seasons, and know that your mommy and daddy couldn't be any happier than we are right now.

Momma

Here are some 2011 Casa de Conner holiday family traditions:

• December 1st: Family movie night - it was a night spent with blankets spread across the living room floor, watching holiday movies, and eating popcorn with M&Ms mixed in.
• Elf on the Shelf: 2011 marked the year that our elf, Kidd, came in to our lives. He has gotten himself into some pretty precarious situations, but he is always good for a laugh, and is a great tool to keep Avery on her toes, and well behaved. P.S. Whoever thought of this elf of the self concept, can you kindly make a Valentine's Day elf, a St. Patrick's Day elf, an Easter elf, etc. Then I will be truly impressed and indebted to you.
• Holiday decorating: As a family we decorate the tree and our home. We also buy each child an ornament that they pick out for the year. One day, I will gather up these ornaments and present them to each child so they can hang them on their own tree. This year, Avery picked out a Mickey and Minnie Mouse ornament and of course, Evan got his "1st Christmas" ornament.
• Christmas lights: We hop in the car, and drive around looking at all of the beautiful lights around town. It is a great way for us to spend time together as a family and enjoy the colorful lights that the holiday brings. 
• Christmas PJs: On Christmas Eve, each of us will get a brand new pair of PJs to wear that night, so we will be nice and cozy opening up presents Christmas morning, as we sip on hot coco and eat homemade cinnamon rolls.
• Christmas Eve Mass: This year will be our first attempt at Christmas Eve Mass. In years past we have always gone on Christmas day, but I am very much looking forward to attending on Christmas Eve. There is no specific reason why, just a change of pace, I suppose.

Only 6 days left :0)... I can't wait!

I'm no good at this Santa thing...

It's no secret that Avery is very observant, smart and has the memory that could put most adults to shame. Where as most days, I admire those traits with nothing but admiration, today, I must admit, I do not.

This holiday season has been nothing but magical so far. Avery will be three in January, so we are in the midst of her best Christmas holidays ever. She loves the idea of everything that comes with Christmas - Jesus' birthday, Santa, lights, presents, etc. It is such a joy to view this holiday through the total joy of a toddler.

This year, I decided to skip the stores and buy all of our Christmas gifts online. I got some great deals, and am feeling pretty proud of my purchases. The only problem that I face is that all of those boxes have, or will be shipped to our front door. Avery loves to get packages and on any other day, I would open them with her; however, in the spirit of Santa, I can't open these particular packages. I have told her that they belong to Muncs (my cousin Matt lives in an apartment and often just has his packages sent to our house to avoid the hassle). So, this story isn't so much of a stretch for us. Well, that was until I brought in the Disney Store box, to which her response was, "No momma, that is mine. Muncs don't get no Mickey Mouse." Avery: 1 - Momma: 0.

Okay, she is too smart for her own good, but I was able to scoot around this situation and today was a new day. Well, all of sudden she appears in the living room holding one of her brother's toys from Santa. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! SHE FOUND THE GIFT CLOSET!!!!!!!!!! Let me say this - Avery has NEVER opened a door in our house before. I realize that she is almost three, but it just has not been high on her priority list as something that she wants to learn, and frankly, I was okay with that. Well, there has to be a first time for everything, and that first time happened to be opening the right closet at the wrong time. I am hoping that she just saw her brother's toy, and her short attention span stopped at that, and didn't really look any further. I guess we will see if that is the case, but until then, I am going to give her the benefit of the doubt. Avery: 2 - Momma: 0.

I guess it is time to re-evaluate. First, next year, all presents will be delivered somewhere other than our home. We also have to get better at the hiding part. Simply placing the gifts in closet and hoping for the best, just won't cut it anymore. I would hate to take away the innocence of my Love Bug prematurely. That would truly break my heart.

Really, I am just having a hard time grasping the concept that last Christmas, I did a majority of my Christmas shopping (including hers) with her with me and she never had a clue - this year, I am having to hide everything to not risk her innocence. That is too much for this momma's heart to take right now.

What a difference a year makes.

Lots of love!

Emily

Once again... It's been a while!

Wow! It has been so long since I blogged. I'm going to put full blame on the new addition we have had in our family. We welcomed Evan Matthew to the world on August 21st, at 4:23 a.m. He was 6 lbs. 5 oz. and 19.75" long.

Evan graced us with his handsome face four weeks earlier than expected, and because of that his lungs weren't strong enough during transition (the period of time after a baby is born when they take their first breath). As a result, he got pneumonia and had to stay in the NICU for a week. That week was definitely one of the hardest times of my life. Not only was I worried about our newborn, but I was worried about Avery and how she was taking all of this. 

In the end, it actually turned in to somewhat of a blessing. Avery had a cold so the extra time gave her some time to get better, and we were able to prepare her for a new little brother. She knew that Evan was at the doctor and had to stay their to get better. Once the seven days was complete, she couldn't be more excited to have her new little brother home and play her new role as big sister.

Since that time, Evan is now almost 3 months old. It is hard to believe how extremely fast this time has flown by. It seemed to drag out so much more with Avery, but a lot of second time parents have told me that time with kid #2 goes a lot faster, and I will have to agree.

Avery is doing great as a big sister. She LOVES him and is super protective over him. It is really cute. Evan is the most mellow baby. Avery was a great baby too, but in a very different way. She was very vocal and loud, where Evan is quiet and go with the flow. He's a "get to me, when you can get to me" kind of kid, which works out great with his high maintenance sister. 

Of course, with Evan here, our day in and day out operations and Casa de Conner, has changed, but I couldn't be happier. I feel like my family could be complete. Currently, we aren't too sure if we are going to have more children, and it isn't something I want to think about right now. I am happy, I am blessed and I am having a blast. I really couldn't ask for more right now...

Until next time!

Lots of love.

Emily